Well Designed: A Human Design Podcast

Kyle Wood: Hello and welcome
back to Well Designed.

. My name is Kyle Wood, and
with me is my co-host.

When she stops laughing,

introduce yourself.

Brandi Healy: sounded like Mrs.

Doubtfire.

Kyle Wood: Oh my God, I
love that movie as a kid.

And then rewatch it with my daughter,
not that long ago, which like four.

And um, I was like, there's like a lot
of inappropriate stuff in this film.

It's that thing with kids movies where
you're just like oblivious to as a child

and then you come back and watch it
as an adult and you're like, oh, okay.

I don't remember that

Brandi Healy: I think that's how they
make it tolerable for parents to take

to

Kyle Wood: Yep.

gotta have the little like
in jokes with the adults.

Uh, I must like, yeah, like all Toy
Story and all those shit movies always

have done really well with that.

Brandi Healy: Yes, for sure.

For sure.

Good to see you.

Kyle Wood: You too.

So today, Brandy, we're doing a deep
dive into one of the centers called

the Solar Plexus or Emotions Center.

And as the name emotions sounds like
this is the center that relates back

to our emotional highs and lows.

Uh, and like all your centers, I
know we've . You mentioned this in

all of our center episodes, we'll
mention it again if this is the

first one you're jumping in on.

All of your centers come either
defined, which on your chart.

If you look up your
chat, we've got a link.

Uh, you'll find a link just in
the show notes for this episode.

Uh, your is colored in or like, so it
could be like gray or black or a color.

That means you're defined.

If it's clear or white, it
means you're undefined and.

That, that has a, an impact on
how this center shows up for you.

So it's, that's the first
thing you want to check?

Brandi Healy: And this one's a biggie.

Yeah.

in terms of hierarchy of
centers, this one's at the top.

Because if you have the center
defined, Not only does it, you

know, indicate that you impacting
others with your emotions, this is

also where you make decisions from.

So it

Mm, mm-hmm.

authority.

Kyle Wood: and it's about
fi like 50 50 as well.

So I think that's why it's an

Brandi Healy: interesting one too,

Kyle Wood: because like

Brandi Healy: Mm hmm.

Kyle Wood: it's gonna sh Yeah,
these are gonna show up for you.

Either someone you know is gonna be
defined, uh, someone you know is gonna

be defined, someone you know is gonna be
undefined, and then you might be yourself.

So finding it on your chart, you
just mentioned it's the top of

the hierarchy, but I didn't want
people to get confused that.

It was the top of the chart.

So if you're looking

Brandi Healy: at your

Kyle Wood: chart, seeing all the
shapes, you wanna look at the triangle

that's sticking out to the right
of your chart down near the bottom.

That's

Brandi Healy: the, that's

Kyle Wood: yes.

Yes.

Not the little triangle,
the, the bigger one.

Um, on the very outside of your chart.

And yeah.

I'm excited to talk about this one.

This is a, this is this understanding
. How this center shows up for me

is, yeah, by far probably one
of the most important centers.

I've just got this and probably my
throat, um, have been like two of

my biggest ones to be like, wow.

Like I can really see how this has
impacted me in my life and how I was

in my shadow a lot of the time because
I didn't understand what was going on.

Uh, especially with 50% of the
population having this defined.

And me having undefined, one of the things
I wanna talk about today is how I feel

like I was often given advice for people
with like a defined emotional center, and

they never understood why it didn't work.

Brandi Healy: It didn't work.

Yeah.

Kyle Wood: Yep.

Brandi Healy: why don't you go ahead
and kick it off with Or me talking

about the underfined emotional center.

Kyle Wood: All right.

I would love to.

So just casting your mind
back to the previous episode,

if you didn't catch that.

We talked, we gave an overview of
the centers, but I'll mention again,

undefined centers are where you, where
you are most impacted by other people.

These are like ways that
the world and other people

Especially people who have their center
defined, they'll, um, like I always think

of like, that's that's how you're gonna
feel penetrated by their power . It's

all sorts of like connotations with that.

People might be like, take different
meanings to that, but, but it is

kind of, it's like, it's, it's where
we're, it's where we're open to, to,

Brandi Healy: we're.

ha.

You're not helping.

Kyle Wood: Receptors

Brandi Healy: to the rest of the

Kyle Wood: world.

Let's talk about radio signals.

Let's change

Brandi Healy: the

Kyle Wood: metaphor.

So if people with defined centers

Brandi Healy: ha.

Kyle Wood: are the little radio towers
emitting signals, we are the, um,

when you've got that defined center.

You're the little aerial
that's picking up that signal.

Uh, so with your emotional center being
undefined, you're really vulnerable

to taking on the emotions of other
people and kind of like ratcheting

that up and reflecting that back.

So, um, one of the things that's really
helpful if you've gotta undefined

is really check in with yourself.

Like, is this something I'm feeling
or is this something I'm not?

And I think for a long time I.

because you can also be impacted
by other people who have undefined

emotional centers too, if they're feeling

Brandi Healy: Oh for sure.

Kyle Wood: razzed up.

So my wife also has this undefined
and we'll, we can do that.

Ratcheting each other up.

And so understanding this has been
a big changer for our relationship

because we're able to be like, oh,
we are just like feeding each other's

undefined emotional centers right now.

Um, Maybe neither of us is actually
as upset about this as we think we are

and if we just take a moment apart,
uh, we'll probably both feel better.

Um, but yeah, there was, speaking from
personal experience, there was always

this deep desire through my life to really

try to quell any strong emotions in
myself and also like try and . Quell

strong emotions in other people.

Like so, so taking on that, like that as
probably as like the youngest kid as well,

like taking on that peacemaker role and
really trying to like smooth things over.

Um, not, I was reflecting as we're,
as I was preparing for this episode

for most of my life, I'd never really
knew how I felt about something.

So I would feel strong emotions.

Like, oh, sorry, I'm talking
for a long time here.

So you, you just butt in when you need to.

Uh, . I used to, I, oh, I grew up Catholic
and I went to like Catholic schools and,

uh, one of the schools when I was in, we
call it primary school here in Australia.

So that's like your elementary.

We, um, I would.

Volunteer is a, an altar server.

So you're like helping the priests.

And one of the things we used to do,
'cause it was like we're available during

the week 'cause we were at the school,
there was like a lot of funerals and

like every funeral used to just like,
like I didn't even know the person.

I had no relationship to the person,

Brandi Healy: to

Kyle Wood: any of the people in there.

And I'm like holding back tears.

entire time,

Brandi Healy: Bless.

Kyle Wood: you got a, you got
an like the large size Snickers

bar for doing a funeral, so, uh,

Brandi Healy: Oh!

Kyle Wood: so you still said

Brandi Healy: yes

Kyle Wood: to it?

Brandi Healy: you were hand
with, hand with straight

yeah.

Kyle Wood: Yeah,

Brandi Healy: straight
up, you're like, I'll

yeah,

that candle, I'll ring

Kyle Wood: right.

Yep.

Yep.

So, yeah, we, so, but yeah, like I like it
can remember distinctly back then and just

thinking like, that's weird, especially
as a boy, like why do I feel like,

why do I feel all these emotions, um,

Brandi Healy: now looking back?

real deep here.

Kyle Wood: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well it was, I felt like I was, I
was different to like a lot of other

people, which is weird 'cause it's
what, 47% of us have this, but I

guess they're probably also feeling
like me and also kind of hiding.

, um, the emotional stuff.

Brandi Healy: For sure.

And you know, oftentimes.

You know, we talk about this a lot in
human design in terms of conditioning,

Mm-hmm.

you know, based off of your gender,
whether it's your gender at birth, your

assigned gender, how you show up in
the world, your culture, your religion,

you know, society as a whole, there are
so many layers how we are conditioned,

and it's so interesting because like
human design is like the onion, we

just like peel them back and it's

like, Oh, I remember this thing, and I

this thing, and I remember this thing,
and I think, you know, in terms of the

emotional center, either you, if you
were raised a man or you identify as a

I

this, you know, this stereotype
of men being in control of

their emotions or showing

Mm

as being

mm-hmm.

and on the flip side of that, you
know, for women or those that identify

as a woman, like, there's this, It's
either A, like, kind of stereotype

around being overly emotional,

Yeah.

B, like, if you're in very masculine
situations, like in a, you know,

corporate environment or in athletics
where you're meant to like suck it in

Yeah, you'll shit down.

.
Kyle Wood: Yeah.

Brandi Healy: exactly,
like be a bad bitch,

Yeah.

Yeah.

you know, there's not, is
not the place for that.

So, you know.

I say that so that everyone
can really understand.

If you're like, that
doesn't really land for me.

And, you know, lovingly, you

Yeah.

Maybe I was conditioned.

And, you know, when you're ready.

When you're ready

Yeah.

go there.

Kyle Wood: Yeah.

Brandi Healy: you know, what
are some things that, you talked

about some ways that you kind of
recognize how this impacted you.

You know, maybe negatively,

Kyle Wood: Yeah.

Brandi Healy: you know, once you kind
of identified this or maybe where have

there been times in your life where
you feel like this has served you?

Kyle Wood: Yeah, I, I think as, as soon
as I like, got into probably like my

fitness career, like personal training
and realizing I was able to build very

easily and naturally build a rapport
with, with other clients, uh, with, with

my clients and with, um, yeah, just,
you know, like, just being able to like

read . Read the room kind of stuff.

And I used to think that was like
a defense mechanism from other

stuff that happened, but um, yeah,
that's like, that's my superpower.

So I was kind of already aware
that there was like, I was quite

empathetic, uh, before I found
human design and human design.

I was really just one of those
permission slips to be like, yeah,

that's actually one of your superpowers.

So you sort of lean into that.

So yeah, I think definitely
with fitness, yeah.

Building relationships with clients.

Um, Just being a support person to
friends going through hardship as well.

Uh, although, you know, the caveat
of that is like I was gonna mention,

like I now understand as well, I.

Why I was able to help people, some
people and, and with other people.

I would just feel really emotionally
drained and it, it's got to

do with like being invited in.

I feel like that's really important as
a projector that yes, with an undefined

emotion or center, I can offer like
a lot of empathy for people because

I have spent my life experiencing
others' emotions by being around them.

but if I'm not invited in, that
can be a really like toxic gross

relationship where I'm just like
taking on all their emotions.

Um, but they're not accepting
any like, advice or help from

me and that that's not helpful.

So that, that's been a
really good thing as well.

Learning about human design and being
like, I need to be only around people

who are emotionally well regulated.

And I used to feel like that
was a failure on my part.

If I couldn't

Brandi Healy: handle my shit

Kyle Wood: around people who couldn't
handle their shit , but now I understand.

No, that's actually very healthy
for me to have those boundaries.

And if someone yeah, isn't doing the work
and is very like emotionally volatile,

it's actually very okay for me to not
pursue, to put boundaries in place there.

Brandi Healy: And if you're
asking yourself, like, how do

I, how do I know how to do that?

That's where your
authority is a great tool.

It's.

Always rely on your authority, and
for, you know, those, our reflectors

out there, just remind yourself
you don't have to wait a month.

It's what feels good
to you in that moment.

Yeah.

what feels like the right
decision for you in that moment.

For sure.

Kyle Wood: Yeah.

So much of that is just, yeah,
understanding and, and reading stuff.

So yeah, that's been really . Um,
really helpful and especially the thing

around having boundaries around that.

'cause I feel like I was already
sort of worked at, like I

said, I was pretty empathetic.

I can use this to help other people,
but I, I'm not here to help everyone.

yeah,

Brandi Healy: For sure.

Kyle Wood: so,

Brandi Healy: So, one of, one of
the other pieces of having the

center undefined or open is About
saying things that are difficult

and like not avoiding confrontation.

Is this

Kyle Wood: I did wanna talk

Brandi Healy: about that

Kyle Wood: think

Brandi Healy: I Was gonna say I feel Like
just in our you know in our relationship.

That's something that you do really well

Kyle Wood: Oh really?

Brandi Healy: something's on your mind.

Yes!

you're like, um,

Yeah.

what's going on with this thing?

And I'm like, oh yes!

And it's like, I think it's in the way
that you, that you frame it up, and

it's like, when we have conversations
about things, it's like, we can

always come to be like, okay, cool,
like, I see, like, where you're

coming from, I just, like, you know,

Yeah.

it, know, I feel like we have dialogue
that You know, we can come to a place

where we can understand each other
and like move forward from there.

Yeah.

something that you feel like has
always been accessible to you?

Yes or no?

Kyle Wood: So you do you there there was a

Brandi Healy: Remember, um,

wife listens to

Kyle Wood: Yeah.

No, I don't think she's listened.

That's why she's not gotten a shout out.

'cause I don't think she's
listened to an episode yet.

So

Brandi Healy: Um, you know what's funny?

My husband either.

Kyle Wood: uh, they still love us.

Brandi Healy: They do.

That they give us the time to
record this, which is plenty.

Kyle Wood: Yeah.

Yeah, that's right.

There's, uh, yeah.

So.

I, again, I, I, so I was gonna
backtrack for this and tell a little

story, hopefully help people remember.

So, um, are you familiar with like
the Jack Ryan movies, TV shows?

What is it Tom, Clancy, the author?

Yeah.

Yeah.

there was, so there's just done
a new series on that, which is,

which is, uh, very entertaining.

But there's, there's an old,
an older movie with, I dunno,

Ben afflicted it at one point,
Harrison Ford did another point.

I can't remember which one it is, but.

Brandi Healy: it wasn't Ben,
it was Matt Damon, wasn't it?

Kyle Wood: No, it was, it was Ben

Brandi Healy: Affleck, I'm

Kyle Wood: pretty sure Matt Damon.

He just, he was off
doing the Bourne movies.

Brandi Healy: He was
off being Jason Bourne.

Yeah,

wrong, similar

Kyle Wood: There's all
these spy thrillers.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Very similar.

But there's, uh, this friend that,
that Jack Fry makes, and I think

this is true to the books as well.

Um, Who works for the Russian intelligence
and they sort of like, they sort

of like keep this back door open.

So like while the governments
are posturing with each other,

they will share with each other
what's, what's really going on.

And so they can like influence
and actually stave off, like

things escalating too far.

And that was like , pretty much
like in my wedding vows to Zoe , I

mentioned that I would like be that
person for the re in our relationship.

I would speak to her like . You know,
intelligence Officer part of it.

And I'd keep that, keep that relationship
even when we are fighting, I would like

keep making sure that we like reconnected
and um, and persevere through that.

So I think yes, in again,
relationships where I'm invited in,

it does feel natural to do that.

If there's no invitation there, it's.

I think it's often still important
that I do that, but it's like I don't,

I really, it's one area that I could
way more be in my wisdom with this.

Um, speaking up into those relationships
where I don't feel invited.

Where it's important still
to have conversation about

Brandi Healy: Right.

Say the heart thing.

Say the

yeah,

Kyle Wood: yeah.

When that recognition there, it's, I feel
more comfortable that even if I don't

express myself correctly the first time,
there's enough trust there to get there.

Whereas with, with someone where there's,
there's not that I to usually talk myself

out of it because I'm worried that,
yeah, I'll say the wrong thing and make

things like worse or be misunderstood.

Brandi Healy: I hear you.

So, I think that you shared already
like a lot of things that you

do kind of to align with having
this open identities or identity.

Why am I saying identity?

Emotional center.

So like one thing that I heard you say
is like that you're very intentional

about who you're surrounding yourself
with which I think is really huge.

Kyle Wood: Yeah.

Brandi Healy: And I
have a question for you.

When you're not intentional about
it, or you're taken off by surprise,

and you do feel emotionally
overwhelmed, like, what are things

that you do to care for yourself?

Kyle Wood: Uh, so something I probably
haven't been doing enough lately is,

um, is you, and I mean, it's, I feel
like this is always good advice.

, matter which undefined center you
have, but like getting back by

yourself in nature is always like a
good way to like really disconnect.

So taking that, that time out,
sometimes it's hard with kids.

Um, but yeah.

Yeah, that's like,
that's usually the goal.

There's not, there's not an
elaborate, I mean, I, this is my.

Me struggling to, um,
articulate what I do.

. Thanks.

Second line.

There's not a, there's like lots
of little self-care things I do

sort of all the time and, um, yeah.

I didn't make a note of them
before this, so I can't think

of them off the top of my head.

Brandi Healy: I can name a few.

You

Yeah.

outside.

Kyle Wood: Yeah.

Brandi Healy: You journal,

Kyle Wood: Yeah, I, I mean that
one will come and go, but I

think I've become okay with that.

Like, you know, use it as a, it's not
so much a habit, but it's more a tool.

Brandi Healy: right?

And then do, like, grounding
practices, like, you know, some

sort of meditation or breath work.

So I think that

Yeah,

Kyle Wood: I

Brandi Healy: do.

that I've seen like, some
of them you do regularly.

Some of them you pick up and
kind of, you know, put to the

side on an as needed basis.

But I

Yeah,

those are all things that I know that are
in kind of your wheelhouse of tools you

have at your disposal when you're feeling
out of alignment and as you said, like,

not just with your emotional center,
but in other parts of your design as

well, just to help you back to yourself.

Kyle Wood: yeah, yeah.

And then, yeah, as much as I can, . Yeah,
just the self-awareness in the moment

to ask myself like, is this something,
is this actually mine that I'm feeling?

Or have I just taken this
on from someone else?

Uh, and I don't always recognize
that at the moment, but it can be

helpful like afterwards, um, for
like disconnecting to just recognize,

oh yeah, that, that wasn't mine.

And then it's like, oh,
I can let go of that.

So it's another like nice big
human design permission slip.

Brandi Healy: It's like, it's like
the best analogy, so we apologize

that we use it all the time, but it's
just, you know, send us your thoughts

on other analogies that use them.

Kyle Wood: I always like permission slips.

Yep.

Brandi Healy: Yeah, they're great.

right.

I I,

else that you want or do that
you want to say about Undefined

or should we move on to Defined?

Kyle Wood: I do want to, I, I was
just gonna say one more thing.

That's been helpful for me as well,
that like I am here to help people,

um, through using emotions as well.

So,

Brandi Healy: Yes.

Kyle Wood: so I mean, it was even
like today sharing, I had in my mind

planned out all the sort of facts about
the emotional center and then instead

ended up sharing stories about, about
when it's actually shown up for me.

So that, that's sort of something for me
to lean into as well with this undefined

emotional center is to, um, how can I
bring the emotions or what I feel about

something into things and that I, I
even remember when I, this stupid now,

like I didn't think it now, but stupid,
like in this marketing book that talked

about, if you're marketing to men say,
I think because men want to think.

Think like that'll resonate.

'
Brandi Healy: cause maybe them

Kyle Wood: feel smarter.

I don't know.

Uh, if you're marketing to women, say,
I feel, and knowing that most of my

audience was women, I was like, oh,
I'm gonna start using, I feel, but

then that felt really good and I was
just like, I'm just going with this.

Like, so there's another little, little
lesson from the past and I do, yeah.

When I get too trapped in like
. Probability and statistics and stuff

like that in my marketing material,
it just bogs me down and, but when

I can get back to the emotion of it,
that's when it feels better to write.

And I feel like it resonates
better with people too.

Brandi Healy: So good.

So good.

So flip side, as Kyle mentioned,
with 47 percent of people having

this center Undefined or Open,
that means 53 percent of us.

Myself included

Yeah.

defined

And could,

Kyle Wood: you, you guys can just, you
can just get out like you and your def.

Uh, I feel this, I feel that,
uh, I can't pay attention to

what anyone else is feeling.

Brandi Healy: Take it easy take

Kyle Wood: Yeah.

Brandi Healy: over there if you
really want to feel it keep going

Kyle Wood: Yeah.

I was hmm.

Do I mention that?

Because, um, . . I do want to keep
this podcast uplifting and focused on

the positive stuff, but I feel like
it's also fun to have a laugh as well.

For me, it's like what I saw, like
a meme the other day for like open

emotional sin and it's like I'm crying
and I don't understand why I am crying.

I just crying and I was like, yeah, that's
pretty accurate, so, so you can tease.

Brandi Healy: like that

me

Kyle Wood: as well.

Brandi Healy: You're like, that
explains the first 25 years of my life.

Kyle Wood: Yeah.

. Yeah.

Brandi Healy: Pretty much.

But, you know, to a point, Kyle
is correct, that those of us

that have the center defined, we
impact people with our emotions.

And that is both high.

And low.

So he's talking about the low right
now, but this, again, this is our

superpower is like with our emotions.

We also have the ability
to people as well.

Yeah.

you know, I can certainly, you know,
attest to this and how this shows up like

in our house, both my daughter and I here.

have the center defined, and my partner
and my son have the center undefined.

And I think worked really hard over
the last few years to, to I don't like

to use the word master my emotions
because it's not what I'm trying to do.

I'm not trying to control them,
but I think it's really about,

like, be more aware of them

Yeah,

also be aware of how it
impacts people around me.

Whereas with my ten year old daughter.

we're still learning that and, you know,
and, you know, this goes for both of us.

When we're unhappy, everyone in the
house knows it and feels it, and when

we're happy, everyone else around

Yeah.

it and feels it.

So like,

Kyle Wood: Yeah.

And I mean, yeah, like I enjoy
talking to you and we've got, my

wife's best friend has this Defiant,
and she's, um, also a projector and

yeah, like . like most, like 90%
of the time, like great times I had

Brandi Healy: yeah, you
ride, you ride the wave,

Yeah,

like, this is a blast.

And in those 10%, you're like, wow.

Kyle Wood: yeah, yeah.

Brandi Healy: This is unpleasant.

Kyle Wood: Well you was saying
before sp this just got spicy

Brandi Healy: Yeah, exactly.

This just got spicy quick quick.

you know, again, if you have the
center to find this also ties to

your decision making authority,
which is wait for clarity.

So it's like when we think about what this
looks like in shadow, it's being reactive.

It's reacting from a place of high.

or low emotion.

It's being so caught up in a high
that you say yes to things that

you don't actually want to do.

For me, this shows up the most
when it comes to social commitments

or really like time commitments

Kyle Wood: Because

Brandi Healy: that run the gamut.

Kyle Wood: in the, in the moment,
you're like, yeah, that sounds awesome.

Is that, is that what you're saying?

And,

Brandi Healy: and so
you're like, I'll do that.

And especially when it's being
proposed to you by somebody

that's also excited about the

Yeah, yeah.

party,

Yeah.

at work, you know, the meeting up
with a, with a friend, whatever

it is, they're excited and I'm
like, Oh, that sounds so fun.

I'm excited.

And then once that initial
emotion subsides and I'm like,

Oh my gosh, I'm exhausted.

I do not want to do that.

Or my calendar is already.

So full or that's gonna keep me
up past my bedtime like, you know,

Yeah.

is

Yep.

The list is long and it's like, you
know, just Saying things in that moment

and then later on regretting it or
realizing that it's not in alignment.

And I think like, you know, the
shadow of this as well is like

not having that self awareness of
knowing how you impact other people.

So like I mentioned, like my daughter
and I, we both have this, so I can

share where I was at an emotional high
and it like impacted those around me.

So earlier this summer, so that,
you know, we're recording this.

It's September in the Northern Hemisphere
summer, so a few months ago, my family

went to Disneyland and my brother in
law, you know, got, got us this really

sweet package where we had like this VIP
tour and it was unlike any experience.

I've grown up in Southern
California my whole life.

I've gone to Disneyland
easily of times without

Hmm.

and you know, this is like.

This experience was just unlike any
other, and I was through the roof.

My son, that has a center open, was
like, You are so hyper right now.

You are so excited right now.

And like, where my son was
like, This is really cute.

Like, your mom's so excited.

Like, she's like a kid right now.

My

Yeah.

was just so mortified by it.

So...

Know that your emotions like, even though
they're, you know, can be received by

somebody that has a center open, that
doesn't mean they feel it the same as you.

It can change flavor in the process

Kyle Wood: Yeah.

Brandi Healy: absorbed,

Yeah,

So, and like, you know,

It can be intense.

a chat.

Kyle Wood: ha Yeah.

Speaking to someone with under,
like, even when someone's really

happy, it can be like, oh God,
this is like, this is too much.

Yeah.

Brandi Healy: You know, we
chatted right before the call.

We just experienced a similar
thing with my daughter.

She was at a friend's house and it
was like, you know, coming close to

bedtime and this kid was coming in hot.

Like, you know, she was in a great
mood from having spent time with,

you know, her closest friends.

But it was just like, la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la la la la la la.

And we're like, did you just like.

You know, chug a flat white
before you walked into the door.

Like what is going on?

And it was just, she was
writing that emotional highs.

So, you

because it's uh,

that we have these waves, we have

yeah.

and it's not about doing, you
know, making decisions from these.

high points or these low points, but
really trying to come back to that

base point, to that place of calm

Yeah.

that clarity to make a decision,
um, or, you know, and to have

it come from an authentic place.

So that's where we sit
in our wisdom, right?

It's like, when we can be patient
and when we can tell I'm sitting on a

high, I'm sitting in this, you know, in
this valley right now, probably not a

great time for me to make a decision.

Probably a good time for me to like,
be alone, kind of be in my own energy.

And like, if I'm in a not good mood,
that's like a signal for me to like, In

the past, I've been really reactionary
and like, I want to talk to whoever's

in front of me, pick up the phone and
get someone on the phone and just like,

know, my, just like explode out like
everything that I'm feeling verbally.

mm-hmm.

it, what I've noticed is it
keeps me in that emotion longer.

Kyle Wood: Yeah.

Brandi Healy: Okay.

if I myself alone time and not suppress
it, allow myself to feel it, but at the

same time, I don't let myself sit in it.

So my therapist is amazing.

She was like, your emotions
like are here to come and to go.

She was like, even the
ones that we consider bad.

She was like.

It's okay for you to feel angry.

It's okay for you to feel envy.

It's okay for you to feel All
of these things that we assign

negative connotations to.

She's like, sit with them,
feel them, but like, don't let

them pack a bag and move in.

Yeah.

like, I'm always like, it's like the
visitor that stays past their welcome,

Yeah.

and you know, I have a really good friend.

Gina Velez, who is, um, a self love
coach, who hopefully we'll have on the

show in not too long, who says, she
talks about anxiety a lot, and she's

like, can you befriend your anxiety?

And it's like, can we befriend
any, all of our emotions, right?

It's like, can we sit beside them
instead of shunning them away?

And so I think that for those of us that
have this, when we're in our wisdom, we

can befriend and sit with our emotions.

Mm-hmm.

allowing, allowing them
to bring the U Haul and

Yeah.

like, and move, and, and move in.

Um, so, you know, I think that those are,
are some of the biggest, biggest lessons

that I've learned from having this.

And things that I really work to
teach my daughter, to teach my

Kyle Wood: Yeah, that's really cool.

Brandi Healy: You're, when you're
like, real spicy, it's not a bad thing.

You're very welcome to feel that.

You're not being shamed for that.

However, it's your responsibility
not to impose that on everyone else.

It's like, you're allowed

Mm.

that.

You're not allowed to like, impact
everyone around you in a way that's

like, disruptive or that's That's
going to be upsetting and certainly

like that's not a blanketed statement.

It's case by case, but it's like
we've then taught her to like be

in her own energy and it's like,
it's not about having a time out.

It's about coming back to yourself.

And it's like, why don't you take time
alone in a space that feels good to you?

And that's her room.

And it's like, you can be
in there for 35 seconds.

You could be in there for two hours.

It's up to you.

Like, you're welcome to join
us whenever you feel ready.

And it's

we don't require an apology
when she exits that room.

But often times, it's like, I'm sorry
that I said something that was unkind.

Yeah.

Yeah.

that I raised my voice.

And

Kyle Wood: once she's
come down off the, yeah.

Brandi Healy: Exactly.

Exactly.

And it's like, you know, giving her that
language and giving her that permission

to like let her know and like again we
revisit that and we're like it's not,

it's fine that you were pissed off
that we didn't let you have a dessert.

Like, valid.

Kyle Wood: you.

Yep.

Brandi Healy: Not valid.

It's like Screaming at me because of
it and then yelling at your brother

Yep.

kicking over the Lego or
whatever it is, right?

like There's like that piece of it
But those have been things that are

really useful and it's like really
reminding myself that it's so important

that I model that behavior and like
Talking about when I am in a high

Yeah.

to my kids and saying, like, I
recognize right now I'm not in

a place to make this decision.

Yeah.

That's

need to be alone right now because
I've had a shit day at work,

Yeah.

I don't want to take it out on you, like,
I need to lie down for a bit, and, know,

again, like, modeling that behavior is,
I know something that I can do that will

be not only of service to them now, but
also in the future, whether they have this

open or whether they have this defined.

Kyle Wood: Yeah.

Uh, That's so helpful, I imagine,
to be able to like, because

kids express it so like raw that

Brandi Healy: their centers

Kyle Wood: that I imagine it's
helpful to be able to like see that

in your daughter and like be able to
see it from the outside in and Yeah.

See how your emotional center might shop.

Similar.

Similarly,

Brandi Healy: Oh yes, it has been.

You know, like when your parents
like jokingly tell you like,

Oh, just wait until you'll, you
have kids, it'll be payback.

Sometimes they're right.

LAUGHS Sometimes they're right.

Kyle Wood: so

Brandi Healy: know, so I think like, for
me, the most helpful tools to align have

Okay.

been Um, really noticing when I am
wanting to be reactionary and like,

leaning into being patient to like,
not give an answer straight away.

And often times,

Hmm.

what that means is to like, ask for time.

Yeah.

sounds great, let me get back to you.

Kyle Wood: Yeah.

Brandi Healy: Like,
that one has been huge.

And then, again, like, I can't emphasize
this enough, it's like, I'm like, up

super high, down really low, or, you
know, to the left or to the right, like,

when it comes to these extremes, pulling
back, you know, whether it's like, to be

alone, take a nap, bath, Move my body,
whatever it is, to like, let my nervous

system regulate, let myself settle so
that I can find that, that calm place

acting or reacting on something big.

And I think probably the biggest
one is to like, honor where I am.

Yeah.

allow, allow the emotion,
like, truly, like, feel it.

Yeah.

it's I push them away or on
the flip side when I try to

hold on to them and stay there.

Kyle Wood: We'll

Brandi Healy: try like analyze them

Kyle Wood: as well.

That's one of . Things, isn't it, that
you're meant to just just feel the feels.

Brandi Healy: Yes, it's
not, it's not a logic.

It's a feeling.

It's,

Yeah.

that's why, like as you mentioned, there's
a distinction between I think and I feel.

And this is I feel.

And we've.

Unless we allow ourselves to
feel it, it just hangs out.

Great book.

The body keeps the score.

I know we've talked about that a lot more.

I think we've shared
that one more than once.

And like, that was, you know, something
that was really, really useful to

Hmm.

I think, especially with that
defined authority, um, reading

that book and going back to it,

Cool.

I think a few times,

Yeah.

Kyle Wood: times.

I did have a couple questions
for you, or one's just

Brandi Healy: come up

Kyle Wood: then, but then
there's one I thought of before.

So because this governs your authority
of which we went into in, in the

podcast episode about you, um, which
is to wait for clarity to wait to ride

out that full wave emotional wave.

Is there room.

for spontaneity in your life?

Brandi Healy: Or is

Kyle Wood: that just a bad Yeah.

Brandi Healy: So what that look like?

doesn't mean I can never, you know,
spontaneously make a decision.

Mm-hmm.

great example, this past
weekend, I had a day off.

My partner was very tired.

And again, like manifesting generator
projector, you'd think flip side, right?

Yeah.

he was tired.

I had energy and like, I knew I
had the day open and ahead of me.

And I was like.

Great, I'll take the kids to a theme park.

So like, I got to be Fun Mom that
morning, and like, even though it

was like, I felt really good, I
was energized, but I knew that that

was something that I wanted to do.

I didn't need to wait.

Yeah.

Yeah.

where I was going to make a rash decision.

That I was going to, I wasn't gonna
regret taking my kids to the theme park.

Actually, around noon I did, and I

Yeah.

Yeah.

leaving But fortunately we have
season passes, so I was able to like

wrangle them back in and I was like,
we can come back in like a week after.

Like it was a holiday
weekend here in the us.

But like that's like, you know,
an example of like, of spontaneity

that was in a bigger way than
like, what am I going to eat?

It was

Yeah.

Yeah.

what we're going to do for the day,
and it's, I know it's going to be

a time and an energetic commitment,

but, you know, it doesn't mean to say we
have to wait all the time for everything.

I knew that like, I was going to be
invited in, because my kids bug us.

At least 75 times a week to take
them to the, to Knott's Merit Farm.

So like, I knew it was
going to be welcome.

I knew they were going
to be excited about it.

So I think other parts of my, you know,
of being a projector, other parts of my

design, other parts of their design, like,
you know, it's very layered and nuanced.

So that was long answer, short
answer, long was that, but yes,

there can be room for spontaneity.

I think it's.

Proceed with caution though.

Kyle Wood: Yeah.

Okay.

And, and that kind of leads me to my other
question, which we ha we haven't really

spoken about like that some centers are
like motor centers, and so that's like,

Brandi Healy: Right.

Kyle Wood: so

Brandi Healy: There's a hierarchy
like, like we said at the

and even

you get energy.

certain ones do certain jobs, right?

Kyle Wood: yeah, yeah.

So the, so this one, like the
sacral center, which is like sort

of the, the main motor center,
um, you can get, I guess, I guess,

'cause this one comes in a wave.

So you get that motor center just means
it's an area we can get energy from.

So you, you get that energy
on . The high of the wave.

But then I guess when it's low, it's
important that energy's gonna be gone.

So it's important not to like just
soldier on through, but honor low.

Brandi Healy: Yes, which is again, why
it's so useful to be patient and wait

for clarity to say, is it something
I'm sustainably excited about or was

just excited about in the moment?

Kyle Wood: Yeah.

Brandi Healy: Because there can
be like a false sense of, I have

the energy to do this forever!

Kyle Wood: Yeah.

Brandi Healy: And,

huh?

I've, I've certainly, I've, I've learned,
I'd like to think I've learned from that.

Mm-hmm.

Do I have moments where I, um,
still decide from that place?

Of course, 100%.

However, I feel like they are
becoming fewer and further between.

Kyle Wood: Yeah.

That's cool.

Thank you.

That was, that was really interesting
hearing about that, that lived experience

of having the defined emotional center.

Um, as I don't have it, it's just
so interesting how it shows up

so differently, um, whether you
have this defined or undefined.

I,

Brandi Healy: Mm hmm.

For sure.

For sure.

Kyle Wood: I hope, uh, that that was
really helpful for everyone listening

as well, especially if you've got,
You are one of the 53 out of a hundred

people who've got a defined emotional
center that that will help with,

um, working out how you make, how
your authority works a bit as well.

Um, and then of course for those who are
like me and have a undefied, uh, hopefully

there's some things in there as well
around how you can kind of disconnect or,

you know, check in with yourself about

Whether what you're feeling is
actually yours or whether you're just

like taking on someone else's stuff.

Uh, and that can be really helpful too.

Brandi Healy: And if there was a part
of this episode that really spoke

to you, we'd love to hear about it.

You can send us a DMM on the gram
at well-designed h d or, um, you

can also, you know, screenshot the
episode, share it in your stories,

Yeah.

a friend.

You know, we would love to hear from
those of you that are listening,

you know what it is that you like.

Kyle Wood: Mm-hmm.

Brandi Healy: we can just continue
to create more of that for you.

So thanks so much for listening
and for being with us till the end.

And if you're still here, then, you
know, you're, you're in the circle.

Kyle Wood: Yes.

All right.

Thanks everyone, and uh,
we'll talk to you next time.